somethings just happen, and it fucking sucks

I came across an interesting thing today but it was actually a year ago that it happened. I'm still moved about the things people can say and describe about such a person even though they've only known them for a year or so. The words that came out on the internet page made me think of everything that I always take for granted and never really appreciated like my mummy sending me an email that just said hi, how are you doing? or how was your day. Or even my daddy sending me a text from all the way back home saying: " I'm stuck in a traffic jam, I hope your day is better than mine." It suddenly hit me that all the little things really really really do matter. It's the little things that remind you the most of those people that really truly love you for who you are. Can you believe it? I now know I can.

I wonder if you can actually look down on people when you're dead? Wouldn't that be hard to watch? You could see them but can't touch them, feel them or console them. That must fucking suck I guess but maybe the glimmer of hope to those still living will give them a better peace of mind.

Imagine if you had to go on without a person. Even if it wasn't someone close, just a person you knew. Humans are not susceptible to change and I'm a living proof of that. Just losing an ear stud makes me so frustrated that I want to sit down and sulk. heh. These people make up your life and it's like slowly etching them away. Your life is slowly etching away. Can you imagine that? I can't and I hate trying to.

When I was young and understood the concept of death, I always kept on thinking in my mind : "WHAT IF_______ WAS DEAD?" And sometimes I would cry myself to sleep thinking about it. It made me restless to think that they would be gone forever and WHAT IF you really did vanish from existence and it was like they never lived. Fuck. That really sucks huh?

So here the lowdown, I am an infinity times more appreciative of everyone and everything in my life eve if I am sometimes a bitch but I guess that hormonal imbalance sorry blame the man that made me, I really do believe that when we die we'll be able to look down on our loved ones while we sadistically wait for them to come and join you :), I really don't want to go or see someone go without really doing something to show them I appreciated them so much for making such a big impact in my life and LAST BUT NOT LEAST : I love your guts to bits and we all *hopefully* know that. :']

interesting thoughts.

do you have a heart? i think i do...

He looked at her with those piercing grey eyes, reading every slight movement that her lovely face made. It hurt her so bad to look at his face and the thought that they would never see each other again, tore her soul into a million pieces. She never knew of a love so strong that could transform her life to what it was now and he; a person so magical that he could not live without. “Maybe two is better than one?” It was fate that brought them together yet it was cruelly tearing them apart. Should they give up or keep on chasing their love? Living with Alzheimer’s was driving the final nail into the door and they knew it. He forgot her everyday but she always woke up early to remind him of his wife. The diary, the scrapbook – their life all placed in a simple way so he could remember, if not their life together would have been lost to the grey fuzzy areas of his complex mind. It was tedious but she religiously did it everyday just so that she could have him back even if it was just for a second, that one second meant the world to her and she knew, to him too. Maybe. She had cried all the tears that she could have possibly cried yet she knew better than to let herself fall into the big, black hole of helplessness that would continue to grow bigger and bigger and harder and harder to get out from. He would have never wanted that for her and neither did she. “Just come back to me” . She wondered whether He was testing her or it was just her punishment, either way she took it with ease. Nothing came simple: not even their love. She sat silently by their queen-sized bed while he slowly flipped the pages of the delicate book. Something in his eyes began to light up and a small smile grew at the corners of his mouth. He remembers she sighed with relief. He then reached out and gently spread his fingers to touch her delicate pale face. The warmth she instantly felt brought tears to her eyes and he gave a wider smile. His eyes said I love you. She mouthed it back to him and they embraced with glistening tears trickling down her cheeks. Everyday was like this, exactly. She knew that. She accepted it. She loved him. It would never change. Never.