somethings just happen, and it fucking sucks

I came across an interesting thing today but it was actually a year ago that it happened. I'm still moved about the things people can say and describe about such a person even though they've only known them for a year or so. The words that came out on the internet page made me think of everything that I always take for granted and never really appreciated like my mummy sending me an email that just said hi, how are you doing? or how was your day. Or even my daddy sending me a text from all the way back home saying: " I'm stuck in a traffic jam, I hope your day is better than mine." It suddenly hit me that all the little things really really really do matter. It's the little things that remind you the most of those people that really truly love you for who you are. Can you believe it? I now know I can.

I wonder if you can actually look down on people when you're dead? Wouldn't that be hard to watch? You could see them but can't touch them, feel them or console them. That must fucking suck I guess but maybe the glimmer of hope to those still living will give them a better peace of mind.

Imagine if you had to go on without a person. Even if it wasn't someone close, just a person you knew. Humans are not susceptible to change and I'm a living proof of that. Just losing an ear stud makes me so frustrated that I want to sit down and sulk. heh. These people make up your life and it's like slowly etching them away. Your life is slowly etching away. Can you imagine that? I can't and I hate trying to.

When I was young and understood the concept of death, I always kept on thinking in my mind : "WHAT IF_______ WAS DEAD?" And sometimes I would cry myself to sleep thinking about it. It made me restless to think that they would be gone forever and WHAT IF you really did vanish from existence and it was like they never lived. Fuck. That really sucks huh?

So here the lowdown, I am an infinity times more appreciative of everyone and everything in my life eve if I am sometimes a bitch but I guess that hormonal imbalance sorry blame the man that made me, I really do believe that when we die we'll be able to look down on our loved ones while we sadistically wait for them to come and join you :), I really don't want to go or see someone go without really doing something to show them I appreciated them so much for making such a big impact in my life and LAST BUT NOT LEAST : I love your guts to bits and we all *hopefully* know that. :']

interesting thoughts.

someday, when my life has passed me by...

sometimes people need to scream. to release all that tension that built up from maybe just the smallest tick. And sometimes we can be spiteful in those moments but that doesn't mean we hate your guts till every time we look at you you'll disintegrate.

So try to understand : whoever that might be hurt (though I possibly doubt it since this tiny nook of mine is pretty secluded except for the bored readers, you know i love you loads) that it's not that I hate your guts.. I JUST HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU I HOPE MY GLARES WILL MAKE YOU EVAPORATE! just kidding of course.seriously.

So the count down is on : 2 months and 20 days before I get to sit on a horrible plane and eat horrible food just so i can see those special peeps and feel like 'I'M HOME' once and for all. count with me too eh?

Things to look forward:

1. Y-O-U (yes i know who you are and i know you can't wait too! *girly squeals*
2. THE FUCKING-MIND-BLOWING FOOD!
3. some sunnny sun.. i'm turning sickly yellow. ugh
4. most of all i just want to be home. yes home.

love

avey

misery, is what I feel when you're not around

"misery is what I feel when you're not around"

life is a bit sucky now since all the lovelies aren't here. Life's cold and snowy but not too heavy yet to show you guys so i'm reallyreallyreally sorry...

it's a just a short post here since i'm waiting for darling to come online ==

loves

avey

so far, so shitty

So finally left Bandar Utama for Singapore and right now am in a business executive lounge enjoy parma ham, scallops and Heineken beer with people I hardly know.. EXCITING? NO. But life always sucks and so does moving and studying overseas.

I guess I am the first to venture to the unknown among my peers and apparently based on the friends CANADA is TOO far and TOO soon..

On a whole I feel shitty to leave my Jessie, the bed, the house, the parents and most of all the FRIENDS for 6 months in cold crapping weather.

I wonder if things will look up? Maybe.

Soon.

singing out.